So I thought I would give you a quick mental health update as I like to keep you all on board with how I’m feeling and what’s going on! I’ve had a cheeky medication change because the ones I was on made me feel rubbish. They were really sedating. Meaning if I didn’t get a full nights sleep I would be buggered. Having to do night feeds and manage to live through the day as normal as possible was a challenge. It was making me even more depressed than I was and I really didn’t have any other choice other than to change them.
I have now been put on aripiprazole which is life changing. I know it sounds really lame but I am so much happier now I can actually feel everything fully and can just enjoy waking up without struggling to keep my eyes open. I just feel like an overall better person. Even more stable than before because I’ve been able to actually relax and not stress out over my medication for a few weeks now and it has been lovely. I need to increase them some more to my dose that I need then that’s that. Until we decide to have another baby in a few years and I will have to find another one. That’s the only thing that makes me sad is that I know I will have to change them again. But for now I’m happy with them and that is all I need.
Phil has been amazing as ever and supported me through my down period. I can get quite depressed sometimes and after River was born I was incredibly depressed and numb. I found being a mum to an alive baby not to be what I expected as I struggled to bond and let him in. I can finally talk about it without feeling like a shit person. It was so much harder than I expected and him being taken from me when he was born to help him didn’t help. I just really struggled. I’m finally back on track with not being so depressed and my relationship with River is now amazing. I love him so much and our bond is nothing I could have ever imagined. We are best friends, my little side kick. Phil reassured me that he would be here for me no matter what and that we will work through it together. I need constant reassurance that I’m a good mum and any small bit of critique or pointers triggers me into a melt down and then I feel like the worst mum ever. I’m slowly learning to think that I’m doing okay and I’m not as crap as I think I am! River is happy and to me that is all that matters!
I’ve gone from weekly sessions with my therapist to fortnightly which proves how far I am coming along. My mental health team are amazing and I cannot fault them in the slightest.
I finally feel like I’m in a good place and that I’m dealing with this massive change okay and learning as I go. Mental health is hard. Even more so when it takes a dip. But the right support, the right people and doing what you need to can help massively.