As Mother’s Day approaches I’m greeted by the same sadness I felt last year.My baby is not here to celebrate with me. As a mum to two how do I feel spending it with only one of my children? Awful. I wish for nothing more than just to spend the day with them both. As I look around me the build up to Mother’s Day is in full force. Sponsored ads on social media, notifications on my phone, TV adverts and every shop is promoting it! I struggle with the idea that people now might think that River is my only child. Obviously they would if they don’t know me because I don’t have “My Other Son Died” written on my head. I’ve learnt since Dexy died that Mums do not have to have children with them to be a Mum. They are all around us and we should be careful with what we say in hope we don’t cause upset.I wonder how many people will include Dexy when they wish me a “Happy Mother’s Day” this year. Last it was only a select few.
So how and why did I think about designing cards? After Mother’s Day last year and feeling incredibly invalidated and not worth the celebration I decided I didn’t want any parent to feel that way. I was looking at multiple retailers for a car suitable for my husband on the lead up to fathers day and I found none. Everything was about playing or doing stuff together and he will never get to do that nor has he ever done that. It was cruel to buy him a card with that plastered all over it. So on a late night rage I was scrolling through instagram and a sponsored ad came up for the card company “Thortful“. Now I feel sorry for the person that received my message because it was pretty arsey- Haha. I got a reply back and that was that I thought it was just another dead-end.
In January I got asked if I wanted to pick up that idea and they would support me in designing Mother’s day cards for bereaved mums. Enabling them to actually feel valid for once on this incredibly difficult day! I look at mums like Elle, Laura, Amy and Nat. They are all such amazing mums who love for their children is very obvious so why are they not included? I just had to do it.
Thinking of words was easy! I just thought about what I would want Dexy to say to me if he ever got the chance to write a card. I wanted it to be personal but also fitting for many mums whose children have passed away in various ways! I wanted a card for mums who have gone through early miscarriage to their children dying at 25/40 years old. It’s so important to me for these mums to really relate to the words and feel like it is just for them. I came up with 4 designs and reading them allowed just proved how perfect this idea was and how I was helping the bereaved parents goal of breaking the silence and moving as a community forward.
The designers who made my words come to life were in-house designers. I didn’t want to find my own ones or someone to do it just for bereaved mothers. I wanted someone who also designed “Normal” Mother’s Day cards. I wanted them to not stand out and scream “I’m from a child who has died” I wanted them to look like regular cards and make them feel like every other mum who has their children here with them.
So why Kicks Count? When Dexy died this charity has been nothing short of amazing with support my family, myself and encouraging me to push myself into sharing my Dexy to help others. They are all incredibly lovely and real. A charity that is small but yet strive to do such amazing work really does deserve every penny of help they can get. They highlight how important any changes of movement are in pregnancy, they are helping to reduce stillbirths and they are also doing amazing work with breaking the silence of baby loss. They are a charity that really do deserve this and I’m so happy that this is helping them too.
I really hope you find peace within these cards and help make this Mother’s Day not easier but help you feel less alone and that your motherhood is valid. I wish you all a gentle and kind Sunday and please remember that you are the most amazing Mums to your children.
Cards can be found and purchased here: https://www.thortful.com/forgottenmothers
All profits are going to Kicks Count a registered charity to help reduce the numbers of stillbirths and highlight the importance of movements during pregnancy. You can learn more about them here: https://www.kickscount.org.uk/