How Did We Meet?
Well around 3 years ago two lonely souls stumbled across a little app call Tinder… Now when you’re desperate and lonely anyone floats your boat. Yes, including you Phil.
Our first date some short Italian man turned up with a moustache bigger than his face and trousers up to his nipples. I should have ran when I had the chance. It turned out to be the day that I realised that someone who dresses so weirdly could be the most amazing person in the world.
Our second date we decided to go for a drink and ended up having our first kiss (vomit). Phil being the gentleman that he is put me in a taxi and sent me on my way. I think he probably had enough of a very drunk girl trying to make out with him.
The third date was your standard coffee date in Nero. This ended up as drinks at his flat. His flat was… Erm… A mattress on the floor with the worst bedding I have ever laid my eyes on.
The next day I left and went to work. He later turned up there and asked me to stay to which I replied that I had nothing on me. When I turned up to his on his bed was a five pack of primark black thongs… The proper bum crack grazer ones. From that night I never went back home.
Why did we get engaged so quick?
Simple answer. When you know you know. Now I never believed that when my mum used to talk about my dad or my sisters about their boyfriends. Finally after my 19 years I had someone who I loved and loved me in return. So cringe I know but when you live with your best friend and they have seen every side of you and know everything then you kinda have to trap them so they can never bad mouth you. His proposal was perfect, quiet and cute. I’m so glad he chose to do it in a photo booth to capture the moment and to also capture me saying “fuck.”
What was our wedding like?
Well it wasn’t exactly planned for years or booked in to give us time for us to save. I woke up one morning with the urge to get married as soon as possible so I rang the town hall and booked it all in and paid for it. I then rang Phil at work to tell him we were getting married in 10 weeks. Lets just say he was shocked but was totally down for it (Thank fuck). So we had 10 weeks to find the money and plan everything.
The whole day was perfect. It was small and everyone we loved was there. Minus you Nat because you decided to be selfish and get yourself into a car crash. It all went so quick plus the fact I had a stomach bug on my wedding day and it was spent dragging people to the loo to hold up my dress (TMI). Up until Dexy was born it was the day I could keep on reliving. I wish I could go back and see the smile on Phil’s face and remember what it was like before our lives came crashing down around us.
Did we always want kids?
This came up in conversation right at the beginning of being together. We were both on the same page and we both shared the want of being parents. We were trying for a few months before we got married and little did we know I was pregnant on our wedding day. (Maybe it wasn’t the stomach bug to blame after all) over the honeymoon I felt so nauseous and had to constantly nap. A few days after we got back I had a pretty early on miscarriage. This completely destroyed us. I don’t think it is until you go through that you realise how badly you want something and how strong you are as a couple. When the Dr told us I thought “why us?” I was so distraught. Even though I was only around 6 weeks, that was still 6 weeks my body was working towards our family.
We then decided to get Tobasco. The demon dog. Whats a family without a dog right?
From that moment we became determined for a family but it just wasn’t happening. Every month another negative test and more tears. We had a pretty difficult talk after 8 months and decided to give trying a break for a while. Well you can already probably guess what happened. ALCOHOL+LACK OF CONDOM=BABY.
May 27th I was having a slight little poo in my pants because I still had not come on my period. I knew I had a stash of pregnancy tests in the flat so a lot of water and pee later there it was… Two bright pink lines.
Phil was getting a hair cut at the time. I had no idea how I was going to tell him as we had only just moved to a smaller flat and we agreed to give trying a break. I asked him if he wanted the good or bad news first and of course he said bad. “we are going to need a bigger flat”. I have never heard someone so happy in my life. We both felt so connected to each other and we knew that it was meant to be.
As the 9 months past our relationship was so perfect. we talked non stop about how amazing it’s going to be. Through every hospital visit and argument putting together baby furniture. We had each other.
How are we now?
Emotionally I have no idea. But together, strong. We are strong. When our world crashed down we knew we would be okay. When we got told Dexy’s heart had stopped we just screamed into each other. He took every punch to the chest of frustration and pain and I took every tear of his as a sign of love. We loved each other and we were hurting because we projected that love onto our child. We know each other so well that we never expect anything of each other and we don’t have to tell the other person how we feel because they already know. The lead up to Dexy’s funeral was the hardest for us as a couple. We had no time to grieve because every second was sorting out plans for his send off and this lead us to hating the world.
By the time the funeral was over we moved back home and we had to have each other. As we packed away our sons things we held each other and knew we were not doing this alone. We have always had each other and just because of everything going on doesn’t mean that we should forget our love.
I owe Dexy a massive thanks because the 9 months we had with him I learnt a lot about my husband. I learnt that he is the most caring and supportive person I know. I felt his strength. I felt his pain. Most importantly I felt the love his has for me and the love he has and will always have for our son.
We have to be together because without us I wouldn’t know how to use a launderette washing machine or how to make a banging tomato sauce. This man is my hero and I love him with every part of me. Without him, I would not realise how much I am worth and how much I need to believe in myself. He taught me to love myself and that I’m not valued on my problems but how I overcome them.
I know we are going to have many more moments in our lives that show us how strong we are. There will be more children, more arguments, more slammed doors. But most importantly there will be a love that is forever growing.
Phil, thank you.